For about a day and three-quarters.
Because WHAT IF?! I mean, really, WHAT the EFF IF?!
HEY: Doubt is not fear. Important distinction.
Fear is paralyzing, and usually unfounded.
When it is founded, it’s telling us some truth about what we need to get wise about.
Doubt is that nagging “whatif” that is firmly grounded in narcissism.
Yup. Totally just called you a narcissist. Breathe. Calm down. OWN IT.
We performers are narcissists to the core. Have to be. Not an insult. An attribute that can be used to get work. Gives us grit, and risk-power, and persistence, and creativity, and the ability to be our own advocate. To know and be obsessed with your own attributes is EXACTLY what makes you a great performer!
And yet, in its ugly ugliness, narcissism is what drives us to be jerky to people who are just trying to help us, or to manipulate things to go our way, or question how others value us. To take EVERYTHING personally, and to assume it is all about us. Which leads to, you guessed it… DOUBT. (It’s not, by the way, all about you.)
Because of this, doubt is essential to success.
We MUST have those moments that keep us in check with our own crazy.
Wondering if it was a good idea to email that head of the department?
Worried that you chose the wrong song?
Concerned over that super awkward convo with your producer over the who the kit player should be?
Questioning your character choices in that third callback?
You just opened the door to SELF EVALUATION.
Let’s hope you walk through, and do some heart to hearts with yourself. Maybe you’ll learn that you did exactly what you should have. Maybe you’ll learn you were a fool.
Still, you learned. That’s the goal. Always learning, always engaging yourself so you can more truthfully engage your character, and your technique.
Is there a better way to get to that point of self evaluation?
I doubt it.